Our Story….
Well, Mitch and I have much to be thankful for this year. The most exciting thing is that we are expecting a baby in July, 2013!! We are beyond excited for this gift from God. I feel the need to tell you the rest of the story so that you will understand what a blessing this is.
Mitch and I have been trying to start a family for just over 5 years now. Infertility is a very painful and lonely journey, one that we would never have chosen, but God did. These past 5 years have been a roller coaster ride of trusting God one minute to questioning His plan the next. Why would He choose to withhold this gift of new life and yet give that gift to so many others, many who don’t even want or appreciate this gift? We don’t know the answer, and maybe we’ll never know. We do know that God is never late, He is sovereign, and He loves us and has a plan for our lives!
After years of tests, medicines, shots, multiple fertility specialists and procedures the doctors felt that IVF (in vitro fertilization) was our only chance of getting pregnant. We prayed over this and felt at peace about moving forward with this in September, 2011. This procedure didn’t work for us and it was devastating. They did some follow up testing where they discovered I have a combination of 3 blood clotting disorders and suggested that maybe that’s why there was no implantation and the IVF failed. We couldn’t bring ourselves to consider the process again for several months. It was hard to think about going through all of that, all over again! We consulted a 3rd fertility specialist for another opinion who had a plan to try a couple new things which sounded promising to us. So, we were planning to do our 2nd IVF in July, but at the same time praying about the timing of it. We asked God to let us know if this wasn’t the right time. The next Sunday Pastor Kelly approached us about going on the upcoming mission trip to Mexico. I immediately knew, this was God’s answer. It was the same time that we had the IVF procedure scheduled. We prayed over this opportunity and felt God was asking us to trust and obey! We canceled the appointments and started planning a trip to Mexico. It was a blessing to us and hopefully God used us to bless others as well.
After we came home we started the preparation for IVF. This time I’d be required to be on nightly blood thinner shots in addition to the normal protocol. Our procedure was scheduled for September, which again resulted in no pregnancy. We are so grateful for our close friends and family who supported us, prayed for us and encouraged us in numerous ways. The Wednesday before we found out that the procedure failed, I had a meltdown. I just had a feeling that it wasn’t going to work. A friend called that morning to say she’d heard something on KLove on her way to work and felt God prompting her to call me with these lyrics from a song, “You don’t need to worry, You are right where I want you, You’re here in the palm of my hand” It was if the heavens opened and God spoke right to my heart, “Nicole, I’ve got this under control.” How I needed to hear that! We were sad over the news, but somehow still had hope. I guess when you believe in God, how can you not have hope? We didn’t really know where this left us.
The day we found out that the procedure didn’t work, I was reading a new entry on a friend’s blog. She was telling part of her story from the last several years of her journey as she waited on God for a husband and a family. Here’s a paragraph from her blog post http://www.iwillgiveyoutherain.blogspot.com/
“I remember the night God came to me. I remember which side of the bed I was lying on. I remember the way He captured my attention. I remember my thoughts as if it was yesterday. I remember the request. I remember the tears. He had me, yes, but He wanted more of me! And oh, I wrestled with the Lord, it would seem, for so many years! I had to learn the balance of offering up my earnest desire (for a husband and children) as a sacrifice to be burnt up completely, if He so pleased, and that of grabbing hold with firm grasp and loudly saying "I will not let go, except thou bless me" (Genesis 32:26). One side sounds so resigned...the other so forceful! One action can be racked with discouragement, the other with arrogance. Does God really want to bless me? Will I really receive greater gifts if I choose to give it all up? If you have wrestled the Lord like that over any issue, you know exactly what I am talking about! I had to learn to let go of my desire and cling to the One who gave me that desire in the first place! He taught me, so beautifully, through the miraculous story of Sarah's barren womb bringing forth fruit in it's old age (through which would come Messiah) that when He places a desire deep in a heart—it is planted even deeper in His own! He desires it more!”
What a painful, yet freeing thing to relinquish something and give it completely to God. I was compelled to pray and let go of my own desires and trust that He who gave me this desire could be fully trusted with it. Then a poem I had memorized years ago came to mind and I googled it to remember all the words. Turns out it wasn’t actually a poem, but lyrics from a song.
When the Dream Never Dies
Deep in my heart was an ember of longing
Kept warm by the flame of the desire
A dream held in secret I yearned to hold openly
Fanned by my hope into fire
It burned to such heat I could touch it no more
So I put it away and then closed up the door
Forever extinguishing all that would keep it alive
But the dream never dies
The Lord has done this for me
He has looked on me kindly
He has heard all my cries
He has given me back what I laid at His feet
It must be God
When the dream never dies
Isn't it just like the Lord to invite me
To put all my dreams in his hands
Forever releasing the grip that once held them
Forever surrendering my plans
And then when He's certain it's not born of men
He calls for the fire to rekindle again
And He asks me to know in my heart
What's not seen with my eyes
So the dreams never dies
It’s so amazing and humbling to see all the ways God chose to bring comfort and healing to our hearts. In the weeks following we were talking about how we didn’t want to waste our days, always waiting for something. We wanted to live intentionally and enjoy the many things we have been given already. We didn’t want to look back on these years with regret.
Towards the end of October I began to wonder what was going on with my body. Could I be pregnant? No, it’s not possible. I hated to even take a pregnancy test, just to see another negative result. I wrote it off as my body was just struggling to get back to normal after all the drugs that I’d been on the month before. But as the days passed, I told myself I would test on November 1st, if things were still not seeming normal. Could I even entertain such thoughts?? November 1st, I woke up before the alarm, took a pregnancy test….immediately the result was POSITIVE!! Complete shock! I ran upstairs to find a “Happy Father’s Day” card I had bought for Mitch years ago. I quickly signed it, dated it and took a picture of the pregnancy test. Then I woke him up with the card. He said, “Are you sure?” I showed him the pregnancy test! We prayed and thanked God for the miracle He had given us. It took a while for this to sink in. I called the Dr. He had me get blood work done to confirm. My numbers were high, definitely pregnant. He was having a hard time believing what was happening. He wanted to do a scan to see if I was actually farther along, thinking that maybe there was just a delay with the IVF results. He was having trouble wrapping his mind around our miracle J I went in for a scan, which confirmed I was only 5 weeks pregnant and it was all God! He wanted to do another scan the following week to confirm a heartbeat. It was the most amazing thing to see that little heart beating and to be able to hear it. 115 beats per minute. Now I’m really starting to believe this is happening! What a gift.
We’re sharing our story with you for a couple of reasons. We want all glory to be given to God for what He has done and is going to continue to do in our lives.
Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory!
We also want to be an encouragement to anyone who is dealing with infertility. I pray this renews your hope!
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
